Your tits are I can't wait for
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
