My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
there was a trapeze. enough said
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
