Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
