The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
