oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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