as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
