Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize