I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
tell me about the fingering
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
