Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
