Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
There's even glitter on my cock...
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