I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
