So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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