I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Randomize
