new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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