at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
