Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
