I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
