what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize