Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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