: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
