So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
