I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
