You're so nebulous sometimes
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
