Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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