You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Pooping to opera.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
