If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
