Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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