question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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