What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
