His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
