Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
