no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
