Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
