I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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