Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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