I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
