I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Bring me that man meat
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
