guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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