i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize