remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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