if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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