make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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