I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
