I am in a vortex of obligation.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
