yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
