Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
