My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
