Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
