I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
