I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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