he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize