I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So squirting runs in the family.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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