im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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