Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
