If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
