the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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