3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
