I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
