how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
