my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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