she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
