okay pat passed out under dana's car
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
