Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
