I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
