Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
