I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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