I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
