Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
