He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
