Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize