I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I think i got beer on your cat.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
