just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
