My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
