I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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