Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
