I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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